Struggling

So I have made a promise to myself that I'm going to stop buying so much stuff and think about every purchase I make before I hand over my credit card to the accepting person behind the cash register. It's becoming too easy to just pick everything I like and magically pay for it with a piece of plastic. It's not like I'm completely in debt by this point, but the expenses of moving into a new place and re-furnishing rooms-Ikea is evil by the way... but the kind of evil that is mostly harmless, but then you leave the store (hands full of swedish stuff) wondering if you were just brainwashed in some way- is staring to painfully add up.

After just paying my credit cards off for this month, I feel like I've cut off one of my limbs unnessarily and can't get it back. Even when I was packing up my room for the move, there was so much stuff.... most of which I don't use at all. It's sad what my life has come to... all that crap loaded up in boxes just to be thrown in a drawer or closet somewhere... just waiting to be taken out and packed up again when another move rears its ugly head. And the visious cycle continues.

I'm saving up to buy a car... and I dipped into that savings to pay bills this month... I have a plan to put it all back and then some by the end of the month, but it still feels like a little jab in the ribs that I had to do it in the first place... all because I bought a little bit too much stuff.

I feel like a hyprocrite... always commenting on how much stuff people just have jammed into their garages... the cars, the toys, the closets full of clothes. So much of that stuff is bought to highten or keep the level of social acceptance or power. And you know what, it's pretty lame. You can't take it with you... so why do I have this hunger inside of me for all this stuff?

I'm searching in all the wrong places to attempt to quench this thirst that I have. And the only answer is God's love. The ironic part about it is, when I started writing this post, I wasn't setting out to come to the conclusion that I need to spend more time with God, but I think that's the point. Silly me. Of course! I've been so worried about money, and about getting stuff taken care of, and being able to save up for a car that I have forgotten that I need to lay all those things down and ask God for his help and guidance. I'm filling my house with stuff... and I want to fill it, not just my house, but my life, with his love.