So other than being stressed out about my messy room, I haven’t heard back from the college I applied to yet. I’m starting to get angry with myself for not handing in my portfolio sooner… and that my writing isn’t as good as everyone else’s who submitted… even a younger girl I work with is a better writer than me. And then I start to wonder what my parents are saying about me... sometimes I wish they would focus more on the good things that I do rather than all the negative stuff in my life… like I don’t already know that they’re there…
There’s so much pressure on young people today. Pressure to do well in High School to get a good post-secondary education… pressure to fulfill the hopes and dreams of their parents… pressure to kept a good job to pay for the good post-secondary education… pressure to keep the parents happy (which never ever really happens, by the way). Here I am, 21 years old; I have a full time job, I pay for rent, bills, and even my student loans all on my own, and I still feel like I have to please my parents with every decision I make. It’s not as bad as it used to be though. Since I became more independent, it’s much easier to stand my ground and not give in to everything they tell me to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still as for their advice, but I have to figure things on my own.
So many people are so busy with their lives that they don’t have time to just relax. God took a break too, so why don’t we? Living to work is not something that I want to do… even though it may feel like that’s the only thing I do these days… get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed and get up to do the same thing… but on the weekends, I feel like I am most myself… when I go to church on Sunday or get a chance to spend time with friends that are so dear to my heart. All my frustrations with work, my dirty apartment, my parents, and the prospect of getting into school in the fall… they fade.
I feel as if when I have such negative thoughts or get dragged down so much that it’s an attack aimed at me from none other but the devil himself. I’ve been reading a book that talks a bit about how God wants to prepare us for the battle of our lives… so that whatever storm may come, we’ll always make it through. And I feel as if Lucifer knows what a great life God has in store for me and wants to thwart everything that would make me know and have it.
It says in 1 Timothy 6: 7-8 “After all, we didn’t bring anything with us when we came into the world, and we certainly cannot carry anything with us when we die. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.” I just wanted to end with this little thought… even as I’m writing this, I’m becoming more and more okay with the state of my life right now. I have clothing on my back… and I have food for the day and even the rest of the week. I need to feel content… not only about what it says in the verse, but the fact that just because my day isn’t going quite as well as I had hoped, there is always tomorrow, and the weekend… and even when I leave this earth, I’ll be up there with the big guy… for eternity…
